well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
