Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
