fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
