I wanna bring you to show and tell
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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