She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
