you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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