So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
