I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
