I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
