i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
