If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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