Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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