i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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