I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
