she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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