today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You can't just leave with hair like that
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
