sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You can't special order awesome
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
