Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
