I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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