So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
