I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize