Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize