I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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