so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
