Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
