whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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