I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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