I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
