Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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