I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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