god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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