I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
