You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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