We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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