Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
