Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
