He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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