I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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