Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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