Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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