Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
pray to the hookup gods
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
