so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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