I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
