I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
