I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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