Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
