is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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