Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
