i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
