there's paper in my vomit.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
