I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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