Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
