i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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