weddingsv make me drug and hornr
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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