Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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