So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
