some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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