it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
