i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's never too late to be topless.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
