I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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