So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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