i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
