You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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