I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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