so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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