Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
