Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize