My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
