I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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