I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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