Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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