Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
