but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
