just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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