dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
