My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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