This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
