I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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