It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize