the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
