You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
