I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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