this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
