His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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