a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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