Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The best revenge is premature balding
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
