Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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