Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
