Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
