well I can't set my house on fire every night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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