Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
