maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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